It’s the Thought that Counts

Thoughtful Gift Giving isn’t Hard

I met my dear friend, Ruth, in French class during our freshman year of college. Nearly thirty years later, separated by 2,000 miles with busy lives, children, careers, and time zones, we don’t talk as often as we would like, and we see each other once or twice per year.

For kindred spirits, though, time and miles don’t matter much.

We have a group of friends who gather each year for New Years. At our house party we always exchange Christmas and Hanukkah gifts. Often they are hilarious. Sometimes they are sentimental. And they are never terribly expensive -- we are all artists of one kind or another on limited budgets.

But last year Ruth truly surprised me.

Pumpkins Fall 2019-10.jpg — The beautiful Mid Century basket, a gift from my friend, Ruth

She prefaced the gift by saying, “I really used The Nice List this year, and I thought about what you said about finding thoughtful gifts for people instead of just buying stuff. So I found you this…” And I opened a gorgeous, woven, Mid Century teak and reed basket purchased on eBay.

Now, Ruth isn’t a fan of Mid Modern design. Her tastes are much different. And she is a really good gift giver. But this gift deeply moved me -- not the thing itself, but the fact that she cared about my book, our Mid Modern home, and something very much outside of her comfort zone.

I was teary, touched, and so honored.

Here’s the thing about a good gift: it is a manifestation of your thoughts and love for a person. And it truly IS the THOUGHT that counts. That’s a phrase we use as consolation for a gift that isn’t great, but that’s backwards!

It isn’t the amount of money spent on a gift that gives it value. It is the time and consideration put into choosing that particular gift. That is part of the gift.

We are busy, sometimes frantic people. The demands on our lives and our time are great. So when we give a gift not only are we giving of our financial resources, but we are giving of our time and our talents, too. And imbuing a gift with your valuable time makes that gift, no matter how modest, all the more precious.

Rather than wandering the mall aimlessly looking for something that MIGHT strike your mom’s fancy, take some time to truly think about her loves, her needs -- or those of your great uncle or your wife or your friend. Before the holidays begin, sit down with pen and paper to brainstorm, think, and plan. And be realistic about this, too. You don’t have to overspend at Christmas. There are thoughtful, considerate gifts to be given in every price range.

But just last week another friend messaged me writing:

“I wanted to ask you since you literally wrote a book on it, but how do I become a better gift giver? I am absolutely terrible, always leave it until last minute and then just never know what to give. There is a lot of childhood baggage when it comes to gift giving, but I don’t want to pass that down to my kids. How do I get more thoughtful?”

— a message from an old friend

So this is, in part, how I responded…

“I think the real key to thoughtful giving is in planning. I do several things through the year that help with this, too. I have places where I make notes about gift ideas. I keep a secret Pinterest board of gift ideas, for example. And The Nice List has notetaking places, too, just for this purpose.

And by planning — not leaving it all to the last minute — you can put more thought into what to give. Budgets don’t really matter. Thought does. People get hung up on money, but it is really the thought that counts.”

— Angela

The Nice List includes a step-by-step method for thoughtful gift giving, but here are some of my favorite tips:

Make it personalized. Add a monogram or create a gift using photographs or drawings.
Give memories, not stuff. Experiences last so much longer than the latest trinket or bauble. And giving an experience is an investment in a relationship.
Gather ideas all year long. Like Ruth did, make notes about what your loved ones truly enjoy. The Nice List is a great place to make notes all year long.

So here we are on the cusp of another holiday season. And as you think about shopping and gift giving, give those you love the most valuable gift: your thoughts. Take a little time to reflect and to plan before hitting the shops. You may find shopping to be easier, less expensive, and more fulfilling than you ever imagined. After all, it truly is the thought that counts.

For more tips and planning advice for your Christmas holiday giving, purchase a copy of The Nice List, now available in three versions! Also, watch the calendar for scheduled Plan with Me events during which I’ll walk you though how to use The Nice List with gift suggestions in every budget and strategies for making this your merriest Christmas season ever!

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